Being a student whilst in AA is no easy task. There's obviously the obligatory booze and drugs talk. There's the 'why are you so anti social?' questions. I cant go to pubs...it would be an utter disaster. If you sit in a hairdressers, you'll end up getting a hair cut regardless of whether you intended to.
Your average alcy in the early days of recovery seems to exist on a diet of fear (that's unmediated by any sort of chemical barrier), caffeine, nicotine and, of course, resentment about the world. Resentment mixed in with a large helping of shame, as memories start to come back and, the realisation of just how sick you are hits home. The 'pink cloud' that comes just after getting sober, when the world is being seen in technicolour for the first time in YEARS, doesn't last for long; and then what's left is a world that you couldn't cope with in the first place. Meetings, of course, make the day tolerable (and sometimes quite pleasant). Working, if you are, with a sponsor, is an experience that only a desperate alcoholic would go through. There seems to be a scary amount of 'character defects' to be told that you most definately have, and have bad!!
As for college; essays, interaction, demands, a startling lack of structure. What I find is that I no longer have much time. Lectures in the morning, meetings in the evening...fear, tears and self pity seem to take up the rest of the day. Asking for extensions to go with the already generous amount of time allowed for writing essays, is tricky. I hate talking to people, hate being vulnerable, not in control. And I, like most AA's before step 5, seem to run through at least 50 possible conversations (all of them of the negative sort) days before any conversation is actually had. "Can I have an extension please? Im sorry" is usually my line. Their line is usually "yes, have you got the form; what shall I put as the revised date?". Nothing scary there. The only problem is that by the time I get there Im paralysed with the fear that s/he will threaton me with all sorts of wierd and wonderful things, confirm that I am a useless piece of shit and totally undeserving of a degree.
All of this, alongside the tenuous nature of being newly sober, makes the thought of my last 'drunk' seem no where near as bad as it actually was.
The solution? Meetings, of course. When I first went into 'the rooms', I hated it all. From the insistence that everyone had to shake my hand, to the happy clappy circle at the end. Now, however, all of this is saving my life, on a daily basis. Wierd innit? Sitting in church halls every day, always once and sometimes twice, is the high point. Its where I get my medicine, it's where I learn that I can face whatever may arise during the next day without needing the hitherto everpresent prop of alcohol.
It really is very cool.
That said, I shall now go and ask for that extension!!